Chapter 15: Heartless

"Laad Governor!" She finally muttered as she stood up to clear the table.

Arnav watched her leave the kitchen in annoyance. He smiled. This was going to be fun.

---

Khushi walked to the kitchen with a disturbed mindset. This was so wrong. She was leading him on. Although she didn't want to, her mind went back to the conversation shared with Mahesh earlier that morning. She needed to go back to him. It was best for her; it was best for Shiv. Something bothered her though. She didn't want to go back. Although, staying here in Delhi was doing her bad more than good, she would've rather stayed here till the worst happened. Arnav's oblivion to everything- in fact, the entire family's oblivion to everything- felt strangely good. Knowing that if she just smiled and agreed with Arnav, everything would be okay. A thought she chose to avoid then crept back into her mind. Mahesh. Khushi sighed as she leaned against the counter for support. She was drained, not just mentally, but physically as well. Khushi's sudden tiredness led her to think of her reason in being here, it led her to think of Arnav. If she continued like this, it wouldn't end well. For the both of them.

---

Khushi took refuge in the kitchen. Arnav frowned. He couldn't continue his rendezvous in there because Payal and Di were likely to be present there. He needed to get her alone. Arnav had too many experiences of his family intruding on his private moments with Khushi, so he needed to take her out of the house he decided. Very well then he agreed and proceeded to the kitchen.

---

Payal stood at the doorway to the kitchen, watching a fatigued Khushi lean against the kitchen counter, as she waited for Khushi to notice her. She didn't. Payal cleared her throat. No acknowledgement. Sighing, Payal walked to her sister. Khushi couldn't help it, Payal thought, the girl had the attention span of a rabbit.

"Khushi?" Khushi replied as if she'd been shocked, jumping at Payal's touch on her shoulder.

"Ji? Oh! Jiji!"

"Khushi... I need to talk to you. Will you come to my room after you're done here?" Payal inquired.

"Oh, zaroor! I'll be there." Khushi replied smiling.

Payal eyed her once more. Something wasn't quite right about Khushi's appearance, the way she responded to people, the way her eyes only held gaze for a second, etc. Well Khushi had given birth and took on motherhood as a single parent in the past year, Payal thought. She just needed to talk to her little sister. "Okay, I'll be waiting." Payal left the kitchen to see Arnav walking towards it. She smiled. Oh dear.

---

Khushi leaned against the counter again. She needed to return to normalcy. But of course that was not to happen because Arnav walked in.

He smiled. It wasn't an easy sight to get used to after an entire year and Khushi's heart melted. Stupid heart! She cursed herself, trying to get her heart into a somewhat molded condition before he spoke.

"Khushi, will you come to dinner with me? At 8? Just be ready when I come back from work."

"I... uh..." Khushi didn't know how to speak. The Arnav Singh Raizada was taking her to dinner?

"Great! It's a date then!" Arnav smirked. 

"Huh? Wait... uh?" Khushi fumbled. The Arnav Singh Raizada was taking her on a date? Her breath was now strained. 

He turned around to leave the kitchen calling, "Be ready on time, Khushi," over his shoulder. He paused at the doorway, turned, and smiled again.

Poof. Khushi didn't have a heart anymore. She had mercilessly thrown it to him. Khushi stared at him leaving with an open mouth. Khushi snapped out of it. This was not acceptable. Although... the dinner plan was appealing. She argued with herself about the pros and cons of going. Eventually, she decided that it was the one and only guilty pleasure she would take part in before leaving Delhi. Just this once. Mahesh would not be pleased to hear about this, but she didn't care. This was for her. She hadn't done something for herself in a very long time.

---

Khushi knocked at Payal's door. "Come in!" A voice chimed from inside.

Payal put away the clothes she was folding as Khushi walked in.

"Come here and sit." Payal said to Khushi smiling. Finally some time to talk to her Khushi. She would've done this yesterday itself, but yesterday she understood that Arnav needed to talk to Khushi more than she did. 

"Jiji, how are you?" Khushi said smiling as she settled next to Payal on the bed. 

"Khushi, I should be asking you this." Payal replied. "But since you asked, I'm fine." Payal reached to caress Khushi's face. "Aur tum? How are you?"

The genuine love and concern in Payal's question caught Khushi off guard. For a split second, Khushi felt the weight being lifted off her shoulder if she were to tell everything to Payal. She could break down. She could cry. She could be completely honest to Payal. But she couldn't. Her comforting thought of that split second had to be locked away. For Payal's sake. For everyone's sake. 

Khushi smiled. "I'm perfectly fine, Jiji."

"Khushi, how did all this happen? I can't stop to imagine how you were alone for a year, and you had Shiv, and we couldn't be there for you, how I couldn't be there! Khushi why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you call me, Khushi? Atleast, tell me about Shiv!" 

Khushi watched in amazement as her sister rambled on. She didn't plan on interrupting her. Payal needed to let it all out. There was one year of stress and frustration on behalf of her sister. 

"And now look at you! You're a mother! My little sister has a son! Khushi... how did this all happen?" Payal finally stopped. Looking up at her sister. She was planning on asking the questions one by one, but it ended up coming out in one big jumble. 

Khushi smiled. The answer to the very question her sister had asked was something she had asked herself. Countless nights and days she wondered the same thing. How? Why? For what? But each time there was only one answer she could go to.

"Fate." Khushi replied. "It's fate, Jiji."

Fate. The very answer to everything. It was the answer in which Khushi found solace in. Her Devi Maiya had planned this. She was to take part in it without questions, without complains. 

Payal looked at her sister. Her words sounded much older than her. As if it held much more meaning than what Khushi was letting Payal see. "Isn't it always?" Payal asked. Khushi gave a weak smile. 

Payal and Khushi talked some more and as the conversation grew longer, Payal saw the old Khushi return and the fondness of their sisterhood was rediscovered. 

Payal switched to a subject that Payal thought Khushi needed to hear. Payal wasn't sure if Khushi knew about it, so she had to let her know.

"Khushi,I'm glad you came back. You won't regret it. Arnav has changed so much, Khushi!"

Khushi looked up suddenly, surprised at the turn the conversation had taken. 

"I've never seen someone look so guilty in my entire life Khushi. Ever since he found out about what had really happened, Khushi, he's been punishing himself. He went on a crazy hunt for you, almost like a madman, and then one day he gave up. He locked himself in his room, only talking to us if necessary. He only focused on work. And when Di had her baby, he punished himself more. Even more. He went away to God knows where for three weeks. Without telling anybody anything! He looked so terrible on the day of our first wedding anniversary. He looked so pained and his eyes... Khushi, I think the entire family noticed the instant change in him when you walked in through those doors again yesterday. Khushi, it was as if he was broken and when you came the pieces reunited by themselves. Do you know he only started eating dinner with us again about three weeks ago? I've been trying to read those eyes of his for the past year. I couldn't bear to look at him, at first, because of what he'd caused you. But as the months went one, I realized the pain in them was a pain that even I didn't have for you. It was genuine. You need to fix things with him, Khushi. The poor thing is so... so shattered. Don't ever leave him Khushi. I don't think he can handle it. He doesn't show it, but I know he's sorry. I'm glad you came back, Khushi. So glad. Not for me, but mainly just for Arnav."

Khushi sat there, dazed. Her brain understanding each word that her sister spoke. Realizing what each sentence meant. She held in the tears. She held in the urge to break down. She held it in. But she couldn't. Not for long. 

"Jiji. Jiji, I have to go check on Shiv." Khushi interrupted.

"Khushi, you know Mami and Nani are with him. What happened?" Khushi was refusing to meet her eyes.

"I- I just... I have to go." Khushi replied before nearly sprinting out of the room. Payal wondered if she'd said too much. She didn't mean to say so much to Khushi about Arnav, but now she wondered if Khushi felt bad about it. Payal decided to leave Khushi alone for sometime and give Khushi some time to digest everything.

---

Khushi ran. She ran to the only place in that house which offered her a sort of escape. Falling on her knees by the poolside, Khushi's breath came out in strained gasps. Tears stinged her eyes and she let them fall. Away from everyone and everything, she let them cascade down her face.

He's been punishing himself.

The words echoed in her ears. No, no, no! She wanted to erase it all. She wished to not know anything. This was already hard enough.

The poor thing is so... so shattered.

So was she, so was she! But in the end she wasn't sure who'd be hurt more. She held her hand against her mouth, trying to control the volume of the sobs as her entire body shook.

Don't ever leave him Khushi. I don't think he can handle it. 

But that was exactly why she was here. To leave him forever. Her upperbody slammed against the floor as tremors shook through her body. The tears flowed on without an end as her mind refused to wrap around the decision she made. She was selfish. She was heartless. Because despite knowing what it would do to him, despite knowing that it was the most cruel thing she'd do in her life, she decided to leave Arnav as soon as she could.